EMERGENCY

I received a disturbing message from Komoh Kamara Uma, the son of the late Minister of Mines and Natural Resources of the state republic of Sierra Leone. Now he sounded a bit panicky but, by the sound of it, he has good reason to be. His father was massacred by President Tinjani Kabbah's forces and he and his brother are now refugees due to the “condition of his death”, now this is slightly worrying for me as I always thought death was a rather final condition but I'm no doctor.

Now Mr Uma is one of the lucky ones as his father has deposited $32,000,000 and 42 kilos of gold (about 1.1 million US dollars worth, I believe) in a security vault in a neighboring country, he doesn't go on to tell me where but given what Mr Uma has just gone through I don't think I would either. After all his father (who worked for Major Koromah) would have been killed in 1997-1998 so poor Mr Uma has been a refugee for almost ten years!

So, why is this guy, who is rich beyond my wildest dreams, contacting me. The problem with his father's grand deposit is that he told the bank that it was only to be released to an authorised foreign partner but thankfully his father had the foresight to leave all the necessary documentation with his son. So all that needs doing is for someone in the UK to offer up this documentation to the security company and claim the money and gold!

Mr Uma will no doubt reward me handsomely for my involvement in this affair which is to be expected as I understand money laundering has some heavy penalties under British law. I'm going to write back to Mr Uma tomorrow and let him know that I'll be happy to help him access his father's funds and should the need arise, I'll even foot any legal costs which will naturally arise with a transaction of this size.

What an awesome day, the sun has been shining down on us and now it looks like I'm going to be a millionaire by the end of the week! Summer is finally here.