A friend put this up a few days ago:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2008/aug/18/2
It got me thinking, I've always been reluctant to accept help from strangers. It's not because I feel the need to be completely Independent and self reliant, I'm not; I'll openly admit if I need to get somewhere, I'll call a friend and ask them if they could drive me. My Ikea bookshelf is standing and holding book for one reason and one reason alone: I ordered pizza while a couple of friends were over and we needed something to do while it was being delivered.
My bed, my TV stand, the lights in my living room, my sofa; they are all up and in working order because someone lent a hand. It works both ways, I would gladly go to hell and back to help a friend. When it comes to offering help to a complete stranger, I do often think twice, I justify it by thinking “they'll be fine” or “I'm in a rush”. Truth be told, I'm never in a rush and more often than not, I'm afraid of my offer being rejected by the stranger.
It's crazy and irrational, I've been rejected before and it's not that bad, I feel I have to ask: “what's the worst that can happen?” Are they going to turn out to be a crazed murderer who lures me into some torture chamber, ending my short yet sweet existence? No! At best they'll say “thanks” and I don't object to work or at worse they say “no thanks” and we go our separate ways.
Who knows, as Ariane says we could end up at a party 20 years from now with people asking: “So how did you two meet?” I'll do anything for my friends but stop short of giving the time of day to strangers (ok, that's a slight exaggeration). I think back over the years and anyone I can call 'friend' today was once a 'stranger'. It maybe time for a change.......
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4 comments:
Thank you for linking my article. I think you're right about offering help - we all do have a fear of being rejected (which I didn't address in the article at all). I always know I should offer to help women with pushchairs, but then I think, 'What if I mess it up? What if they want to be self-sufficient and resent me for implying that they're not coping? What if I topple their baby out onto the street?'
I reckon we should definitely push these fears out of the way though. I'm going to do something for someone tomorrow. Or at least I'll try...
Good call, I'm going to try and do the same. I will not fear rejection, I will not topple babies onto the street, I will not drop luggage.
That it, I'll try =)
Maybe it is time to change :-)
Many times I have asked strangers for directions, if I am somewhere unfamiliar and to date I don’t recall being rejected or let down. I have even stopped my car in the middle of towns and just randomly asked for help (from ‘visibly non threatening folk’ I hasten to add!).
And yes, I only gladly return the favour, if/when the situation arises. although I am reluctant to ask disable people if they need any help as I got burnt back in my student days working in a supermarket! Hmm, something I need to work on. : -)
*I didn’t read the linked article (sorry, Ariane!) so excuse the ramblings if I’ve gone off on a tangent*
Ramblings on a tangent is what I try to encourage =) but do read the article; it's both thought provoking and funny.
Don't get me wrong I'll gladly help someone if asked, volunteering my help unasked is where I get apprehensive. Either way, I'll make more of a conscious effort, no doubt you'll hear of these efforts on these pages....
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