Every now and then I do myself an injury, from small things like stepping on a pin or walking into a lamppost (these things happen) to more major things like breaking my heal bone or dislocating my shoulder. Yes, these things hurt but pretty soon the pain subsides and your left with nothing but a memory.
On rare occasions, I get the type of injury that blows all that out of the water, the pain is constant, theirs no getting away from it. It hammers down on me in an insistent throbbing reminder that my nerve endings are very much alive! I am, of course, talking about a paper cut. Sure, you can belittle this and laugh it off but it truly is a nightmare. I'm constantly reminded that it's there, it's itchy and it's frightfully annoying!
That's not the worst of it, the thing that I just can't figure out is how. How did I get a paper cut on my nose? I don't ware glasses, I can pretty much read things without bringing the paper to my nose thus saving me this sort of injury. I don't generally feel the need to put my nose to my desk (thing thing under the mountain of paper), I don't head butt post-it notes, in-fact I can think of no way a piece of paper could have possibly reached my nose to unleash this world of pain on me but the evidence is undeniable, my nose does, indeed, have a paper cut.
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7 comments:
while it does sound as if your little 'accidents' are more the stuff of the vivid imagination of the brothers warner than run-of-the-mill, everyday occurences (have you ever slipped on a banana skin josh, or had a piano fall on you -- perhaps the one you were rigging up for boris?), and you are left with just the memory (and rheumatism in later life...) to remind you both to wear slippers around the house and not drink quite so much before trying to walk home, the first cut (which is, presumably, the deepest?) in what could be a long and painful demise by a thousand tiny ones, is clearly a time to stop, to take stock of one's life and to ask oneself the big question, just as you do here...
my tentative reply would be that, perhaps, while reading through yet another of the seemingly endless, pointless and, nevertheless, turgid comments left on your blog by a certain correspondent with a tendency to verbage, over-wordiness and generally not knowing when, and even how, to shut da fuck up, your body perhaps slipped into a spontaneous instant coma (simply add (a bucket o') water to revive!) in order to protect your brain from ending up in your back passage (so to speak) due to trying to follow the convulted, badly punctuated and, ultimately, cul-de-sac of the mind-style musings of a random fool, and that, upon doing so, your nose came into contact with the 'thing thing under the mountain of paper' (whatever the 'thing thing' in question may have been... would you like to let us all know?) and, while doing so, also slid of a dangerous nostril-hold on the matterhorn of cellulose and cotton fibre that is the towering peak of paper, thus neatly slicing a wafer-thin cut into your nasal protuberance and ushering you into a world of pain (and remember The Big Lebowski, dude, and how painful that all got once it started spiralling out of control...)
so, my only advice, as a concerned friend, is that somehow you find a way to stop the correspondent in question from being quite so long, so dull and so coma-inducing in his comments, or else you simply sweep mount paperest to the floor and pad your desk with sponge, foam or some other airbag like susbtance so that, the next time you have to read a comment as lengthy, tiresome and unworthwhile as this one you don't end up face down again with another cut, and the ensuing doubling of pain, to add to the first...
I do hope you're not suggesting that the suffering in my life is caused by something more sinister then 'accidents', that is, random events. I've never slipped on a banana peel but then again, I've never tried to.
Has it not been said that “a fool's random musing begets the random musing of a fool”? So this really isn't the issue, I've always said a generous sprinkling of verbiage is a good thing so long (as is the case here) as the resulting text has, if you will, 'flow'. Shutting da fuck up, would not and should not be an option so thanks for the comment.
Lastly, the thing under the paper mountain I describe is indeed my desk.
Maybe it's not a paper cut - maybe you were picking your nose too hard!
Firstly, my fingernails are not thin or sharp enough to cause that sort of devastation! Secondly, I really would have remembered something like that. Who knows, maybe this was caused by attempting to make a, rather unconvincing, 'piggy' face.
Well, about two or three days ago (or was it last week?) I had somewhat painful and unfortunate experience of cutting the intermediate phalanx of my forefinger while was dicing some lambmeat for lambcurry. So, I know something of how it might feel to have a cut. Go to the doctors and ask for some regenerative tissue or something. I know I'd have liked to do that.
My sympathies several months later. :-)
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